Remember the days when we were young and carefree? Times were different then…we’d play outside all day long, not wanting to come inside to eat or take a shower or go to bed. In many ways it was awesome…but for some of us, there are some things from out childhood that stick with us as we age, and they don’t serve us well. I learned to tiptoe around everyone, trying not to upset the balance. I was always in fear of doing something wrong, something that would further label me as “not good enough”. And yes, those fears have followed me. For many others, the need for approval is something that has stuck with them…I’m sure many of you can relate to trying so hard to please loved ones and never getting anything as much as a “good job”. We often still seek the things that we never received as children…we try so hard to get them, and end up learning the hard lesson that the only ones that really matter are ourselves and our higher power. We grow into adults for a reason…there comes a time when we need to look into the mirror and say “I am a grown up now! I never got the (love, approval, acknowledgement, hugs, etc.) that I so badly wanted as a child from __________, but I realize that this is just how life is sometimes. I forgive you, __________, for not giving me what I so badly wanted and needed, and I have decided to move on. I am free to be who I am, and give myself what I need!” Forgiveness frees us to be who we are…blaming and holding onto the hurts of the past keep us a slave to those bad feelings. Taking responsiblity for our own actions, and grabbing the reigns and driving our own sleigh into a better future, is so liberating. Can we really pat ourselves on the back? Is it OK to throw a celebration for ourselves when we have done a good job? Can we really give ourselves the approval that we desire? Why the heck not??? Does it not add value to our character when we show others that we can take time out to acknowledge ourselves and take pride in what we do?
There are times when holding onto that inner child is very appropriate and keeps us young…such as when we are playing with children, going out on a date (remember young love?) or are trying to have fun while exercising…no one likes a fuddy duddy…but being stuck in a place where we are surrounded with bad feelings that keep us from moving forward onto bigger and better things is not one of the better things about holding onto our inner child. Do you need to give yourself a hug today?
Yes, we do need to pat ourselves on the back and throw ourselves a party when we’ve accomplished a goal. Life is too short to wait for anyone else to compliment you; you’ve got to learn to do it for yourself. No one else will know the work you put into whatever project you were doing, whether it be career building, or improving at a hobby, etc. Never wait for someone to bring you flowers. You must grow your own garden. And if it helps, you were always better than me in school, from middle school through college. You always achieved the A and I’d get the B. I was in a constant race to “beat you” with grades for years. I don’t know if you ever even knew that you set the standard I had hoped to achieve. It took me a long time to realize I shouldn’t compare myself with you, and I didn’t want to have any resentment that you were better than me, so I just let it go. I gotta say though, that your posts are showing great wisdom. But then again, you’ve always been the smart one between us.
And I’m finally ok with that now. I love you.